Please do not suffer in silence.
There are a LOT of terms in the kink community! If you hear something you don’t understand, please ask. If there is something missing, send us a message and we’ll see about adding it.
ABDL – Adult Baby / Diaper Lover
BBC / BWC – Big Black Cock / Big White Cock
BBW / SSBBW – Big Beautiful Woman / Super-Sized BBW
BDSM –
- Bondage and Discipline
- Dominance and Submission
- Sadism and Masochism
Bottom – The one receiving action; frequently used (incorrectly) interchangeably with Sub (see Top)
Brat – A playful, mischievous submissive
CBT – Cock and Ball Torture
CFNM – Clothed Female, Naked Male
CG/L – Caregiver / Little (Gender-Neutral Alternative) (see DD/LG)
CMNF – Clothed Male, Naked Female
CNC – Consensual Non-Consent (“rape play” with pre-negotiated consent)
COMET – Poly relationship where people see one another infrequently; generally long distance, and one partner comes to visit the other. (see Polyamory)
D/S – Dominance and submission
DD/LG – Daddy Dom / Little Girl Dynamic (see CG/L)
Degradation – Erotic shame play focused on the internal personality of the submissive; frequently used (incorrectly) interchangeably with Humiliation (see Humiliation); we regard this as edge play.
- Example: saying to a cross-dressing man “You’re a useless piece of shit because you like to wear women’s clothes!”
Demisexual -A sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond
Dom(me) – Dominant (Female Domme); a person who accepts the surrendered autonomy of a submissive (see Submissive)
Edge – Bringing someone close to orgasm and stopping before climax
Edgeplay – High-risk activities that push limits (e.g., knife play, breath play)
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) – Relationships where all involved parties consent to have multiple romantic and / or sexual relationships; there are LOTS of these
Envy – The emotion of wanting what someone else has; frequently used (incorrectly) interchangeably with jealousy (see Jealousy)
Fetish – A kink that must be present for you to become aroused (see Kink)
FLR – Female-Led Relationship
Forced Bi – Play where a male sub is “forced” into homosexual activity.
Garden Party – Poly philosophy that keeps each relationship separate but is happy to hang out on special occasions (see Polyamory)
Humiliation Play – Erotic shame play focused on the external presentation of the submissive; frequently used (incorrectly) interchangeably with Degradation (see Degradation)
- Example: saying to a cross-dressing man “You look ridiculous in that dress!” or “Don’t you look adorable in that pink dress?!”
Impact Play – Any play involving striking the body (spanking, flogging, paddling, etc.)
Jealousy – The emotion of fearing that something someone else has will cause you to lose a partner; frequently used (incorrectly) interchangeably with Envy (see Envy)
Kink – Something that arouses you (see Fetish)
Kitchen Table – Poly relationship where the polycule lives as a “family unit” made up of multiple relationships (see Polyamory)
Munch – A gathering of kinky people in a public restaurant for a meal; used to build community and meet people in a neutral setting (see Slosh)
M/S – Master/slave relationship
Masochism – The sexual enjoyment of having pain inflicted by others (see Sadism)
Masochist – Enjoys receiving pain (see Sadist)
Normies / Vanilla – Non-kinky or “regular” sex/lifestyle
Orgasm Control – Controlling if/when/how a partner can orgasm
Parallel – Poly relationship where one person’s partners are kept apart / do not interact. (see Polyamory)
Pet Play – Roleplay involving pets (puppy play, kitten play, pony play)
Pick Up Play – Play that happens spontaneously at a dungeon or a party
Poly – Polyamorous (more than one romantic/sexual partner openly)
Polyfidelity – Poly relationship where the members do not sleep with or date other people outside of this dynamic. (see Polyamory)
PRICK – Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink
Primal Play – Raw, instinctual play (often includes chasing, wrestling)
Rack – Risk-Aware Consensual Kink
Relationship Anarchy – A poly philosophy that all relationships are based entirely on needs, wants, and desires rather than on socially mandated labels and expectations. Relationship Anarchists do not believe in any form of structure or rules in their relationships. (see Polyamory)
Rigger – The person tying the rope
RL – Real Life (as opposed to online play)
Rope Bunny – Someone who enjoys being tied up (typically female)
Sadism – The sexual enjoyment of inflicting pain on others (see Masochism)
Sadist – Enjoys giving pain (see Masochist)
SAM – Smart assed masochist
Safeword – A pre-agreed word/phrase to pause or stop play
Sapiosexual – A sexual orientation where a person is aroused by intelligence
Sissification – Play where men are dressed in ultra-feminine clothing (often consensual role reversal) (see Forced Bi)
Slosh – A gathering of kinky people in a public bar; used to build community and meet people in a neutral setting (see Munch)
Solo – Someone who enjoys committed relationships without combining their lives with someone else. They keep a completely separate life of their own, while still loving and dating others. (see Polyamory)
SSC – Safe, Sane, Consensual
Sub – Submissive; a person who surrenders some of their autonomy to their dominant (see Dom(me))
Switch – Someone who enjoys both Dominant and submissive roles
Top – The one giving action during a scene; frequently used (incorrectly) interchangeably with Dom(me) (see Bottom)
TPE – Total Power Exchange
Triad – Poly relationship between 3 people who are all dating each other. In theory, all three people should have an equal say in the relationship, but this can be hard to manage, especially if a third person is added to an existing couple. (see Polyamory)
V / Hinge – Poly relationship similar to a Triad; the main difference is that two of the people are not actively dating. (see Polyamory)